put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
