sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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