hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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