i was rollin on her like bob the builder
People in love make me want to vomit
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
