Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
