weddingsv make me drug and hornr
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
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Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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