I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
