I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
