idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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