im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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