I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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