This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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