how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize