I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You ruined the universe
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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