Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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