I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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