Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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