Non-Jews are for practice
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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