Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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