Christians are straight up FREAKS
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
