jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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