I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
