Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
