I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
