We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
