a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
