If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize