Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
