My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
