Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
