I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm sobbing to NWA
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
