you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
