so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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