Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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