Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
