on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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