I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
