My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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