We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
