I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
