I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
