My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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