just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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