I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
