I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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