Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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