The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
