I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
