mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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