So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
