I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone shattered a urinal.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
