dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize