i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
