Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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