My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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