So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
