So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
