My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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