How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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