perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize