you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
