I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
