Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize