trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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