you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
